peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
