I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
