Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
