go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
