remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do herpes really smell.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
