My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
