omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
