Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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