clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i've created a new STD.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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