the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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