This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
