I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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