Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize