is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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