take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
