i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
