Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
