I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
