it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
