you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
