just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
