I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize