did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
