Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
