walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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