I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dignity is for republicans.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
