My cat gives me a boner
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have fence marks all over my body
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
