Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
