In the future we'll all be gay
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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