I think my fart just growled at me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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