its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
