You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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