so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize