i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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