i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
