my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize