You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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