why didn't you poke me back
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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