I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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