He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
