We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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