where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
