On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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