I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
