I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
