She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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