by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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