I think my fart just growled at me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
