Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
