Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
