I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
