absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
