My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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