Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
