if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
