I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
