can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
