how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
