Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
