So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
