you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
