Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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