I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
