So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
