Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You've changed since you got that strap on
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
