My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
