i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
