Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
