trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
